For the Love of Money
A pod-to-blog project continues with this article based on Episode 19.
If someone were to give you millions and millions of dollars with one assignment: give it away. What would you do? Where would the money go? Who would advise you? This was a fun exercise for Nancy and me as philanthropically minded people whose hopes and dreams for the world go beyond our personal means.
Money is one of those things that can reflect our values. Let’s take a look at the checkbook register or online banking. That, along with my calendar and my last several text messages reflect my values. According to an article in Inc, in order to set up a spending plan, we need to take time to assess values, dig into past experiences to see what influences the way we handle money, and then check our calendar too. Often money seems tied to emotion but it goes beyond that.
A couple of years ago I was in a graduate program at the University of Notre Dame for a Masters in Nonprofit Management. I took this accounting class, basic accounting for non-profit management. One of the first things the professor said to us was, “You know you’re in a field that is filled with compassion. Usually, you are working toward helping people. It can be packed with emotion. But you have to remember numbers are not emotions. Numbers are tools.” And I immediately thought how I wish someone would have told me that when I was twenty-three years old! The numbers are neutral!
In my financial partnership with my husband, I tend to be more of a spender than he is. I think it’s going to be more fun if we have more stuff and do more things. He tends to be more of a saver because he thinks we’ll be more secure if we have money in the bank. Because we approached from such different perspectives, we jokingly started something that we referred to as Financial Night. I still remember that for most of our marriage, it was on Monday nights, and I just DREADED it! Even Nancy remembers and testifies to my dread. On financial night, we just went over everything: what was due, what was left, what was upcoming. Because a spender married a saver, this turned out to be an essential practice. We both learned from each other, and we both knew where we stood financially. While financial night at my house has relaxed over the years, we continue to have conversations. I’m so aware of married friends, especially female friends, who are unaware of the money situation in their home and marriage. We have had experiences walking with someone who was rather clueless as to how to start. Together, Nancy and I encourage you to reevaluate.
Nancy’s household has done it differently. No weekly meetings! Her conversations are oriented around paydays every couple of weeks. In any long marriage, there are seasons. Nancy and her husband trade off responsibilities. There can be different ways to distribute the financial actions of the home, but what must be shared is a vision. No one should have to carry the burden of planning and figuring things out, which can be a lot depending on circumstances. These conversations give couples a chance to look at values.
A recent season for Nancy brought her to the remembrance of a key point of gratitude: a simple statement reframes the financial conversation: “Here’s what we’ve been able to do!” What you’ve been able to cover, to support, to do, is helpful information, especially when we tend to look at it in the negative context of what hasn’t been possible. Look at everything that has been accomplished!
Values impact planning and here are a couple of examples. We set aside a higher proportion of income for travel because we attach high value to visiting family abroad. We can track how close we are to our goal of visiting them and gives us joy in anticipating a trip. We have created a mechanism for alignment with our values, values we decided on ahead of time, to make sure they happen. We are part of a scrappy little church here where we live. As a church, we’ve decided to purchase an abandoned building downtown to create a space for the entire community. Based on our values as a couple, we made a decision to support this effort financially. That was not without thinking, praying, discussing, and even a little pain. But it aligned with our values enough that we were willing to extend that pain point.
When it comes to money, information is power. Knowledge is power. You can align what you are doing with your values, even if it’s basic family care all the way up to charitable donations. There is a whole spectrum of ways to assign value to money and money to values.
When the kids were younger, I would often head to Target and with my littles in the cart, scan the end caps for bargains. My thinking was often, “Maybe I can find something to do with this.” I have a lot of Target end-cap regrets. Those were not values-based purchases for me. (And hey if you value bargain hunting, I applaud you, but that's not my thing. I was avoiding the pain of doing without, of loneliness, of filling time as a sometimes bored young mom.) An article in the New York Times about values-based spending jumped out to me:
We do have another option to make values spending decisions that better align with our true selves. Spending doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and with a little knowledge and planning, we can end up with statements that reflect a personal manifesto that we are proud to call our own.
Why not take a few moments to assess values, check your “checkbook,” your calendar, and your text messages, and see how your time, your money, and your resources are lining up with your values?
POINTS OF GRATITUDE
I’m thankful for all those years of Financial Night. Through tears, laughter, and many many years, we have learned to make decisions together.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION:
How is your spending in alignment with your values? How is it misaligned?
What is a practical step you can take to be more informed about your financial picture?
Are you a spender or a saver or somewhere in between?