Using Terms of Endearment
One afternoon I started watching the Netflix series, “Maid,” and couldn’t stop. I established a routine of checking my phone for any time sensitive messages before hitting the ‘next episode’ button. With zero demands on the schedule, I committed to witnessing the majority of the 10 episode ordeal based on the true story of author Stephanie Land.
Andie MacDowell and Margaret Qualley - a real life mother/daughter duo beautifully recreate a family with roots in poverty, mental illness, and domestic violence. The first word I used to describe the series to Lynn was “rough.”
Margaret plays Alex, a young mother experiencing relentless, soul crushing circumstances yet possesses enough inner grit to want more for herself and her preschool age daughter. Andie is Alex’s mother, an artist with a fragile, free spirit that floats between male distractions. The father figure for both mother and daughter is complicated.
Early on in Alex’s self discovery journey, she makes the brave decision to enter a shelter for abused women where she is assured by an intake manager, “Baby Girl, we’re going to help you.”
“Baby Girl.”
These two words opened the floodgates of tears within me before a conscious thought could register in my brain and assign words to the feelings. I was sobbing and a bit startled. What was it about this term of endearment that rocked my world? Lynn was gracious to welcome the topic to the Second Cup podcast for further exploration.
We both agreed that for the character these words likely conveyed a sense of being seen and known. Alex could finally fully exhale and breathe. These words, this term of endearment, gave her the comfort she so desperately needed.
And while the circumstances in this story did not align with my childhood, there were times when I was in need of reassuring words from a trusted adult. Aunt Vera was one such adult. Whenever she had something important to say, she’d begin with “Now, Nanny Jane.” This introduction became a familiar habit, signaling that I could relax in her presence, receive the instruction, and trust her intentions. Through our conversation on the podcast, I realized that the scene encapsulated the blessing of being called Nanny Jane, of being known and loved. My tears fell from a place of gratitude.
In Lynn’s life, Grandma June was a much beloved person that used a term of endearment. “She called me Lynny and really no one else did.” As one of 18 grandchildren, Lynn said that her grandmother cheered on loved ones, often with nicknames.
These stories involving Aunt Vera and Grandma June illustrate the role that well spoken words can play in creating a life-giving legacy. Lynn and I agreed that we want to follow their example.
“Even today, if I hear an encouraging voice in my head, it’s hers.” added Lynn.
We discussed other spaces in our daily walks where we can speak words that affirm and encourage another. We touched on the treatment of customer service workers. Lynn is looking for appropriate opportunities to make eye contact while extending the typical “thank you,” to include “you are really good at your job.” To date, the response has been positive. “And these are people I don’t know. How much more important is it to speak well to those we know and love,” Lynn added.
I couldn’t agree more.
POINTS OF GRATITUDE
Grandma June and Aunt Vera continue to be lights of inspiration in our lives. Lynn shares, “I want to provide that same level of cheer leading, enthusiasm and support for people I love.”
Lynn’s story about pairing eye contact with words is a good one! Practical, too. I later reflected on instances when I’ve been passive about other expressions of body language. Here’s to grace, lessons learned, and a new day!
THE PODCAST EFFECT
After Lynn and I explore a topic, I tend to see reflections of our conversation throughout my day: familiar words, related images, and even comments from others that are aligned with, or sharpen, our perspectives.
Not too long after we recorded the “Terms of Endearment” episode, I received these two cards with my Chick-Fil-A order. One was blank for me to use, suggesting that I follow their example. Reminded me of this nugget …
“Kindness is free. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere.”
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
Is there a term of endearment or favorite nickname that is meaningful to you? If so, have you considered why it matters to you?
Are you a giver of compliments?
Can you identify one person in your community that would benefit from your affirming words (spoken or written) in the next week?
