Wisdom in Waiting
Don’t just do something. Stand there.
Ponder that one while I tell you a story.
Our Sunday driving route to church takes us through two small yet distinctive retail areas that feature popular local restaurants and bars. The potential for more-after garbage on the weekend is great. The first shopping strip we pass through is immaculate, no matter the day or time. The second one, closest to the church, not so much. It’s a wreck.
I’m a get it done type, so in a nanosecond, I imagine going to Lowes and buying those clever garbage picker uppers and coordinating buckets, and getting to work. In addition, Tom and I are also in a season where we have flexibility in our weekend schedule, so we could knock out the clean up routine early before anyone notices and still keep other commitments.
My zeal to jump in and get something done is not new to my buddy. Over our nearly forty years of marriage, he’s seen that go well and not so well. With age, I’ve come to respect his advice, “Don’t just do something. Stand there.”
He was right.
Turns out that the merchants in the second neighborhood were talking about a sustainable solution to the weekend garbage crisis. Our church was invited into the conversations. Had I jumped in without consulting others - assuming that my good deed would be appreciated - might have “trashed” the developing relationships.
As I shared this story with Lynn, she graciously applauded my ability to problem solve, but she, too, recognized that this scenario called for applying the wisdom of waiting.
Waiting is not doing nothing.
My second story involving the wisdom of waiting comes from my work with a central Florida nonprofit. I recruited two neighborhood organizations to host a volunteer training session. One of these groups was better resourced than the other.
When the day of the event arrived, the training site was beautifully prepared, including refreshments. One item was missing: coffee! A woman with the more affluent group offered, “I’m happy to take care of that. I’ll just run a quick errand.” Before anyone realized what was happening, I approached this individual in the parking lot and asked her to wait. The refreshments that were provided were done so at a great cost, and while we were used to coffee, it was not essential. The priority was honoring the relationships. “Let’s wait for coffee.”
Lynn correctly observed that in that situation, hitting pause honored the hosts and elevated the importance of the relationships.
We talked more about the tension of waiting versus the just-do-it approach. That’s when Lynn offered this game changer, “Waiting is not doing nothing.”
“The act of waiting is something that gives us opportunities to observe, to learn and for seeking discerning and that’s important.”
Lynn is quick to add, however, "I'm the first to admit that waiting is hard work. I don't want to suggest that I've gotten it all figured out."
We both had a good laugh when we confessed that despite our abilities and desire to plan and solve problems, we are not the solution to every problem! We know this truth, but when life comes at your fast, taking charge comes way too easy!
But what if it’s not the right action for the path.
And what if your action hurts others on the path.
And what if it’s not your path to walk.
“And no one likes a know-it-all.” (This line can be attributed to each of us!)
Toward the end of the original conversation, I shared three guardrails to use when tempted to take action without a clear invitation or stated urgency.
Unless someone’s life is at risk, zoom out to observe what’s beyond your perspective and seek counsel.
Practice humility. Despite our best efforts, we remain limited in our understanding.
Practice empathy. Put yourself in their shoes of the person you wan to help, and ask yourself, “How would I feel?”
A POINT OF GRATITUDE
I’m actually grateful for the tension of waiting versus doing. Managing this dynamic gives me yet another opportunity to learn, to stretch, to grow. Taking the advice to “Stand there. Don’t do something” is humbling yet once you’ve fully surrendered to the wait, the decision offers peace and perspective.
The Wait Was Worth It
Several months after my initial Sunday morning rant about how easy-it-would-be-to-burst-onto-the-scene-and-address-the-garbage-problem, our congregation began regular cleaning services with the support of the merchants. Not only is there safety in numbers, but there is a bunch of fun, too!
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
Do you consider waiting to be an active practice?
What do you think are the risks associated with a just-do-it approach?
How do you determine when, where and how to contribute to a situation where your services or abilities might make a difference?
