How to be a Loving Friend
Lynn and I started the second season of our podcast by hanging a banner of love over every topic. With our friendship of thirty years as a cornerstone of each conversation, we decided to explore what we have learned about cultivating loving friendships.
How did it all begin?
Lynn and I were living our respective lives in Champaign, Illinois where we were in the same new member class for the Junior League, a women’s volunteer service organization. It wasn’t until our paths crossed at a holiday house walk that names and faces were connected and registered.
“I was stationed in a beautiful older home as a hostess and remember seeing you come in carrying an enormous sleeping toddler bundled in a snowsuit,” shared Lynn.
That enormous toddler weighed more than ten pounds at birth and found no need for consistent naps. Motherhood was new to me and I was struggling. When I learned that Lynn had two children and appeared to be doing okay, I may have whispered to myself, “Please let her be my friend.”
We started getting to know each other, working on projects and having playdates because our sons were close in age.
An unexpected bit of trivia about our enduring friendship is that the majority of the time, we’ve not had proximity work for us. Lynn points out that we have lived in the same state, and briefly in the same city, but never in the same zip code. “That’s always been my goal.”
What makes a friendship last?
“The primary emotion that comes to mind is love. You just care about somebody and they are in your life for a reason,” offers Lynn. “And it brings joy to share life with you.”
In a friendship, when distance, time and energy are factors to navigate, Lynn and I offer the lessons we learned as we accepted the miles between us as a challenge, not a barrier.
“I decided to make your people my people,” explains Lynn. I can attest to her genuine interest in our family that is distributed in three different states!
Getting to know someone’s extended crew takes intention, but as I have told Lynn several times, “Your people are great people.” Be sure to do it in a way that is authentic. Our children’s lives have been enriched, too, by the extension of “family.” Can there be too much love?
Bringing our families together with some consistency was a shared value. Lynn fondly remembers the spring break trips when her group would load up in the van for a trip to Florida. “We leave in the dark hours of the morning hoping to clear the southern border of Illinois before sunrise.”
We also recommend this safe advice, “Just show up.”
“That can be kind of a hard thing with miles between you, but as you become familiar with someone and their schedule, you know when they get up and go to bed, and you can just call. Don’t overthink it,” encourages Lynn. Fortunately, we are both early risers!
One of my favorite ways to show up is by sending cards for the not-so-typical occasions.
And for those typical occasions or key milestones, such as graduations, make the commitment to be there! With budgets and schedules to manage, there were years when our kids made a solo journey on behalf of the parents.
Another tip? Be your friend’s cheerleader for all the things!
Lynn adds, “I’m always rooting for you, of course, but I’m also interested in what you’re doing. For example, when you were recently planning a vacation, I shared your enthusiasm by learning about the places you were going.”
For this second season of the podcast, we introduced a new feature at the end of the main conversation, “Try Something New.” Our suggestion for this week was to be aware of new faces at regular places, and when appropriate, to reach out with a card of encouragement.
The Closing Question
In the episode’s closing question, we both answered, “What qualities do you appreciate in a friend.”
For me, I appreciate a good sense of humor, which Lynn has in abundance.
For Lynn, she appreciates a sense of fun and adventure! And I’m happy to provide both!
A POINT OF GRATITUDE
This is an easy one. I’m grateful for Lynn and for the countless conversations we have shared about stuff. Stuff about who to listen to, what to buy at Target, when to try a new hair style, where to drink great coffee and how to stretch our patience.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
How do you “show up” for the special women in your life?
What are three qualities that make a good friend?
What investments are you willing to make in a friendship?
