Do I care what people think?
Lynn knows that three days a week, my husband and I swim laps at a nearby YMCA as part of our much-needed exercise routine. To reach the goal of being in the water by 7 am, we pack our bags the night before. If there is an upcoming 5K race on my schedule, I might cross train by reallocating part of my pool time to working out on strategic machines which requires a change in attire.
This system typically works until you pack a half slip in place of much needed undergarments. One morning, not to be deterred, I decided to stay in my swimsuit and proceed with my shirt, shorts, and running shoes. Hey, I’m going to sweat anyway.
As I repacked my locker and adjusted my headphones, an older woman in the locker room - the kind that commands respect with stately posture and alert eyes - took an up-and-down inventory of my body, and then using a rather bold tone of voice said, “Well, look at you, going about your day not caring a bit about what others think of you.”
My embarrassment was moderated by my reflection in the mirror. Wet hair going in different directions. Shirt and shorts were already damp. And my tight swim goggles left impressions around my eyes. She was right. I was a sight.
Now, If you recall, my priority was cross training, and having encountered my packing misstep in the pool bag, I was actually proud of myself for maintaining my focus. Conclusion? I didn’t care what others thought of my appearance.
But that’s not always true. Or appropriate. I asked Lynn, “When should we care about what others think of us?
INFLUENCER CULTURE
BFF Lynn jumps in the conversation with a societal observation. “We live in influencer culture right now, and a lot of what we see on social media has to do with appearance.” This topic is worth unpacking.
And like me, she also has a column for exemptions! For Lynn, it’s long international flights taken twice a year to see their daughter. “If you’re on a plane for eight or nine hours, comfort rules the day.”
Beyond preparing for long-distance journeys, we agree that comfort should be a consideration.. “There are times when just being comfortable matters.”
Another factor in maintaining one’s appearance is whether or not you enjoy it. Lynn asks, “Is there a part of dressing well, doing your hair, or having a skin care routine that matters to you?”
Is there an inner reward?
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE and INNER BEHAVIOR
Around the same time as the encounter in the locker room, I shared with Lynn that there were a series of incidents that inspired a check on my behavior, notably times calling for a demonstration of patience. In those situations, how did others see me? How did my inward behavior affect my outward appearance?
Within a 48 hour time span, these two stories revealed a not so good look — even with dry hair and nice clothes.
First, a trip to CVS for a COVID booster. After checking in, I waited. And waited. And then expressed my displeasure. When the technician finally arrived, I sensed she was trying to defuse the situation by asking in a cheerful voice, “How’s your day going so far?”
“It’s going okay, but I’m frustrated after having to wait so long.”
As she prepped my arm for the shot, she said, “I’m like you. I hate wasting time. I’m in and out of doctor’s offices for my chemo regimen so I know that every minute counts.”
My eyes closed. I took a deep breath. In that moment, I reflected on what sort of “look” was distinguishing my appearance.
My next story involved a Chick-Fil-A drive thru, long considered the nirvana of drive thru experiences. I’m still amazed about my inability to pivot when served a Diet Coke instead of a Diet Dr. Pepper. Fortunately, my co-pilot interceded with a proud-and-loud “thank you.” Goodness. Not my finest hour.
HOW DO WE WANT PEOPLE TO SEE US?
Lynn quickly answered.
We want people to see our kindness.
We want them to see our curiosity.
We want them to see our caring.
Sometimes we’re in a place where we can give those things.
Sometimes we’re in a place where once we recalibrate, we can give those things.
Sometimes, we can’t.
And when that happens, we marvel at God’s grace, and then endeavor to find a better pathway forward.
THREE WAYS TO STYLE ONE’S HEART
Our closing words focused on three mains strategies for managing our appearance, starting with a positive inner glow!
Leave a margin in my schedule and manage it.
When sensing a challenge, regroup by considering true priorities.
Extend and receive grace. Always grace.
A POINT OF GRATITUDE
I appreciate the sisterhood of a healthy women’s locker room. I’ve watched strangers come to the aid of one another, with nothing to gain and everything to lose. Water bottles and towels are shared, alongside tears and stories of disappointment. Kudos are given to those lift the weights, both literally and figuratively. It’s all a gift.
I think that being happy makes the biggest impact on your physical appearance.
Drew Barrymore
Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess.
Edna W. Chase
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
What factors differentiate an outward and inward appearance?
Do you have any personal rules for grooming, such as “I never wear <blank> to the <blank>.
Should you care what others think of you?
